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Vinyl Pickups – May 2022

Every once in a while I’ll make trip to a local goodwill to try and find anything useful, usually with an eye for organizational tools. Recently I made a visit and was able to pick up a large cast-iron skillet, some vinyl, and a couple other miscellaneous things. I haven’t quite gotten around to listening to any of them but I did go through my ritual of dusting, cleaning, and replacing paper sleeves with new anti-static ones. As I did this the smell of the larger collections was just like that of older books, so I did some cursory research and found that both were released around 1938. If you look on the inside of the back cover of either they list other vinyls the companies are selling with prices as high as $6.50. The Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No. 1 also has a mild fracture in the second and third vinyl. I’ll just have to see how well they play.

Though I haven’t listened to my Goodwill vinyl, I ordered some off the internet. First from iam8bit was Johto Legends, an orchestral scoring of the music from Pokemon Gold and Silver. I’ve listened through all four sides a few times already. The album progresses with the childish and adventure themes giving way to more japanese-folk inspired music and finally becoming more dramatic overtures. Second was the soundtrack from Final Fantasy X from the Materia Collective. First off the packaging is really weird and I was concerned it was a knockoff at first, and this is my first album with picture disc. It gave me weird vibes, but after a few listens I didn’t mind either way. The music is a little ecclectic as it jumps between the different themes but it does give this sense of moving through different locales. The standouts here being all of the village/town themes, as traditionally in JRPG’s village music is the best.

Finally as I was about to post this I remember I also picked up the vinyl for Polyphia’s New Levels New Devils. A good addition to my growing set of albums fit for general consumption.

Edit: After a thorough cleaning the older albums all still pop with some frequency. I intend to hit them with some cleaning solution and a microfiber cloth and see if that alleviates some of it. Also the Tchaikovsky Symphony no. 6 is only the sleeve, it actually holds The Irish Rovers’ Tales to Warm Your Mind.

Getting Back to It

As an elementary schooler I was introduced to a wrestling program held at my local high school and I immediately fell into the life. By the time time I was in middle school it was in my blood. For a couple years I even wrestled two different seasons, folkstyle at school and freestyle through a club. Late in high school and after I became more interested in Jiu-Jitsu, Boxing, and other martial arts.

Now about a decade after I left the wrestling room for the last time I’ve finally made up my mind to attend a local BJJ gym. It’s been so long I’d forgotten how great it feels to be back on the mat. However I’m more out of shape than I’d like to be but I should catch up after some regular attendance. The next time I’m able to hang out with my MMA-interested friends, I’ll be able to flex my new BJJ knowledge.

Game Pickups – March 2022

Recently having felt the need to get out of my house and do something so I can get out of my head I went to my local game store, Phoenix Games, in California’s north bay-area. I’ve been a patron there since I got my first job after moving out to California about five years ago. Even though I haven’t been there in about two years the owner recognized me and we chatted as I browsed around. To be honest it felt really good to have an honest, earnest conversation with somebody else about whatever it is we talked about. Rarely do I relish a chance to conversate but I’ve known him long enough I didn’t feel akward saying what was on my mind. We chatted about games, rising prices in California, other general chit-chat. It goes to show even introverts need socializing.

I was able to find a copy of Dynasty Warriors 3 and Haunted Mansion for PS2, Spider-Man 2 for Xbox, Mutant Football League, Madden NFL ’93, Cyberball, and Revenge of Shinobi for Sega Genesis and finally Killzone: Liberation for PS Vita. Most of these are an attempt to play something from my childhood to re-evaluate them while Killzone is apparently the only FPS worth owning on Vita.

Metal Vinyl – March 2022

Usually I put the music pictures first but one of the albums present has graphic imagery so I want people to be aware of that in advance.

There’s a well-known UK record label that helped popularize extreme music coming out in the late 80’s called Earache Records, and it’s online store is a great source of metal vinyl. Earlier this year I ordered some vinyl from them that are on my must-own list and they came in about two weeks ago, I just haven’t gotten around to writing about it ’til now. Included is an album any burgeoning fan of metal should check out: Iron Maiden’s Powerslave. Iron Maiden is the kind of metal I can still play around my wife without her complaining, which is a sentiment that extends to nothing else here. Next is the second of the three Bolt Thrower albums I wish to own, this one being …For Victory. Their albums IVth Crusade, Those Once Loyal, and the aforementioned are just phenomenal Death Metal. After this is the graphic-warning album Abysmal by The Black Dahlia Murder, who are one of the first Death Metal bands I really got hooked onto. This Abysmal album is in my opinion the last of their great albums but they’re still releasing new material. Last and most certainly not least, a band I will prop up as long as my memory functions: Opeth. My first true Death Metal band, Opeth is a great mix of heavy and soft atmospherics, harsh screams and serene clean singing. I was able to get a copy of Watershed, Ghost Reveries, and Blackwater Park. Watershed was their last album before they switched to psychadelic prog-rock. Ghost Reveries and Blackwater Park are where the band peaked and I believe some of the best albums of any genre. Only partially shown is Bloodbath’s Unblessing the Purity. This 10″ of pure evil is four tracks of exceptional DM though I prefer the dingier sound of their first two releases.

Castlevania Vinyl

Castlevania, Castlvania II: Simon’s Quest, Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse

I was introduced to the Castlevania games at when I was younger and watched my cousins play games. One cousin was playing Symphony of the Night and everything about it’s aesthetic resonated with my younger self. I eventually worked up the courage to ask to borrow it, and next I knew I was at home in front of my family’s Playstation 2 about to experience one of my favorite games of all time, for the first time. Since then I’ve probably had a dozen or so playthroughs, but I wouldn’t play the other Castlevania games ’til I was in High School or College. Any fan of the series would be one of the first to extol the excellence of their soundtracks, hence my desire to own them on vinyl. If you’re a fan, it’s worth it.

Jekyll & Hyde

I started writing this blog to have a place to voice my thoughts and share with anyone who cares to visit. Despite the many ideas I wished to record I engaged in a habit that sapped me of my will, determination, and curiosity. That was habitual alcohol abuse. I chose this particular title because it got to a point where my wife recognized me as a different person when drunk. Angry and illogical I become a cruel shade of myself, trapped by my addiction and an inability to change. My Mister Hyde released after the imbibing of a potion. Any problems, troubles, or anything negative that I discuss in this story I provide not for pity but honesty. I made these mistakes, now I’m trying to fix what I can. I’m not the first and I will not be the last but maybe writing this will help me, and if you read it maybe it will help you or a loved one.

When the Covid-19 lockdowns started I had no problem staying at home. I prefer my solitude. However, as the lockdowns continued, I found myself growing increasingly bored and disappointed in myself. When my wife and I spent a portion of the year in Tennessee I started drinking a lot more. Partly because I had been a habitual pot smoker for about a decade and stopped all at once living somewhere where weed was illegal, and partly because of the boredom. It was simple at first, drinking a few beers after work while watching TV. Eventually it became habit and my consumption increased from a few beers to a six-pack. Not only that but being stuck where we were in Tennessee left me feeling trapped, like living in a hotel room for months. We went out when we could, but we were very remote. The only food available to us being microwaveable food as we didn’t have a kitchen. All of this and reduced exercise made me 50 pounds heavier after a few months. This all seems like text-book depression and maybe it was, but when I was high school, I suffered from a savage depression, and it didn’t feel the same. Eventually we left Tennessee and moved to Colorado, while here I picked up my smoking habit again but severely reduced in consumption. Recognizing how much weight I had put on I knew I couldn’t continue drinking beer and that I needed to be exercising daily. My misgivings over drinking had already started to exist but either out of indolence, foolishness, or addiction I continued to drink but now hard liquor. Of any of the signs my body gave me to stop the one that has changed my life the most it’s that my digestion stopped working properly though I hadn’t yet determined drinking as the cause.

Unfortunately, this is where the story takes a turn for the worse. My drinking had accelerated to a gallon of whiskey a week. I was occasionally day drinking, but certainly drinking far too much each night. This is when I started to lose control. When I started to argue with my wife. When she started to notice something was wrong. Too much alcohol and I can’t manage my emotions well, I start complaining about things to my wife. It becomes a debate. Then a fight, hurting us both. One could correctly guess this affected my wife’s disposition as well, quite severely. A tension had always existed between us as she’s highly motivated and hard-working, and when we met in College, I was struggling student who didn’t work as hard as he should or could have. After the alcohol she lost faith in me. She became afraid of me. Why didn’t I stop.

My wife had a hit breaking point with me and asked that I get into therapy. I met with a therapist for a few months but ultimately didn’t feel like it helped, and not for the first time. I had therapy as a high schooler when I was dealing with my depression. I attended several sessions back then but talking to my therapist I got the sense she either didn’t care or didn’t understand. She even suggested that my internal anger arose from contempt towards my mother because she and my older brother argued when he lived with us, based on me looking up to him as a kid. That’s absolutely a load of bollocks. I knew it wasn’t going to work with this therapist and I would have to figure it out on my own. Which I did, in a sense. One of my biggest inspirations back then was my French teacher at the time. This teacher really cared about her students and put a lot of effort into teaching. When I started to slip in grades, she’d talk to me about it because she wanted me to improve. She did all this while going through chemotherapy for cancer and she never lost her optimism. Not the overly bubbly kind but hopeful and determined. Knowing she’s probably suffering while doing all this it showed me that you must have hope and you must work hard every day to keep it that way.

Late in 2021 my wife and I discovered she had become pregnant. I had stopped smoking weed at this time in anticipation of my first-born, a daughter. This is also when I started studying seriously to change jobs and my first real attempt at managing my addiction. As a software engineer it’s required to demonstrate aptitude through a variety of tests and interviews. This means months of practice and studying. So, for three months I had purpose. Still drinking but I was too busy to drink a lot. For the first time since maybe college, I felt like I was working hard and had something. This was only a bright spot in a streak of darkness. I failed to get another job and I think the disappointment killed my remaining passion and optimism. Then I stopped studying and shortly after we moved back to California. My wife suggested it’s possible the constant moving prevented me from building solid habits.

I didn’t immediately relapse but I did start drinking again and it grew as a habit. Tensions with my wife, my own personal issues, a pull to change jobs, my day job, and most importantly my unborn daughter all weighed on me, asking me to find reprieve in a bottle. So, I did, and all that stress poured out of me whenever I drank too much. The pressure evolved into anger that I would direct at my wife when we disagreed, usually over my drinking. I never struck her, nor had I ever hit her, but the uncontrollable anger I exhibited frightened her. At least once she felt she should leave the house for her safety. Knowing if I want to be in my daughter’s life in a capacity that I would be proud of, I had to stop. I resolved to do so. Thus, this tragic tale of human foolishness reaches its present terminus (I apologize if I come across as pompous or anything of the sort).

My wife and I are trying to work through our shared problems. She’s suggested I see a therapist for my own issues. We’re also setting up time with a couple’s therapist. I’m looking into local AA chapters. Right now, the last bottle I drank is sitting on my desk empty with the date I began my abstinence “04-27-2022”. Hopefully in a year I’ll be writing about one year clean and how great it is to be a father.