Movies – ooglykraken

Burnt + Self-Flagellation

In the movie Burnt, we start at the end of Bradley Cooper’s character’s self-imposed punishment of shucking 1,000,000 oysters. By the end of movie we know his self-flagellation is proven to have no effect on anyone really but himself and his sins against the world still need atonement.

This mirrors a similar ascetic journey I undertook as a college student, where I also underwent a self-imposed flagellation. While I was situationally poor I took it to the extreme and would forego eating up to a week at a time and skip sleeping for days at a time, this lasted for months. I hoped that this penance would bring me some greater clarity concerning life and my place in it. All I really learned is a short path into psychosis complete with auditory and visual hallucinations. The kind of self-loathing that convinced me this was ok was great fuel for excercise and I pushed myself so hard I eventually fractured my foot running, an occurrence that helped end a life long habit of exercise. Obviously such powerful motivation is desireable but not at the costs it took. There is something useful in self-deprivation of desires, not needs, but in all things moderation is important.

By the end of Burnt Cooper’s character doesn’t become better because of his self-flagellation but because he learned to accept his mistakes, he learned gratitude (even in the hands of his opposition) and as a result he became a more complete person. Emotions are powerful motivators but if you don’t manage them properly they can just burn you.

Breaking the Habit

Perhaps I was just in the right frame of mind, but I was reflecting on how over-exposed I allow myself to be to those things I enjoy. For as long I can remember I’d played video games nearly every day usually much more than I should have. This also extends to film, TV or music. While games require participation to function these others do not so I could always fill my time with them even if it’s little more than ambient noise. Thus, over years this became less a conscious choice and more a habit. Having, over the years, indulged in alcohol and seen what happens when over-indulged it made sense to ‘quit’ playing games, watching movies, or listening to music just as I might quit drinking alcohol. By the time I had decided to do this several days had gone by being busy with my daughter, maybe making the choice easier. With my wife out of town for work I became a solo dad and couldn’t afford to indulge. When she came back I could but realized I shouldn’t. That was at the beginning of December and while I now decompress at the end of the day with some TV and listen to music during my morning exercise, I still haven’t played video games.

It’s funny for me to think that this may be the first time I’ve spent so long away from gaming since I was maybe a child. Even in my roughest college semesters putting in 80-hour weeks I found time to play then, but now I don’t. This isn’t going to be an indictment of gaming but an examination of ‘breaking the habit’ of playing and what it’s like, for me.

First and foremost, I’d like to point out my mental and emotional stability
is obviously not as stable as one would like but I do try to do better. That
said I’d been playing games consistently since I was young, began smoking weed in high school, and began drinking in college. For all that time it might be said I was distracting and self-medicating myself and after a week or two
without it my head felt like a room full of people shouting over each other.
Once that started the first few days were the worst. My attention was
constantly jumping, and I had trouble remembering what I was doing. Breathing exercises, journaling, and keeping a to-do list helped in the beginning (and still does) but after a while instead of maybe 30 voices it was down to three. Then two. Now it’s usually just a single line of thought with occasional interjection. I’ll try to avoid any armchair psychology or speculation but here are my thoughts.

I’m finally growing up. After an extended adolescence through my late 20’s I’ve finally had the self-control and will to try and be an adult…. all the time, as opposed to just when things need to be done. I have a schedule for when I exercise, when and what I eat, and never sit down to rest if there’s ‘easy’ labor to be done around the house. ‘Easy’ labor being started laundry, folding it, running the dishwasher, picking up clothes and other things out of place, etc. Basically, anything that takes less than five minutes of effort. Instead of playing games when I have ‘free’ time it’s now spent reading, writing, and preparing to change jobs. This has revived my passion for stories and writing in general. I did try to write two trashy young adult novels as a middle schooler but gave up because they were dumb and trashy. Now I have a full ten-chapter book planned with world building, character arcs, and historical research in effect. Already I’ve got the first chapter written with editing left to do. While it’s hard to focus sometimes journaling and lists keep me on-track. Not to say I’d left all this labor to my wife previously but now it’s a seamless single-person process to do it all and have it always done every day. I think what this really means is that these addictions I had were crutches I relied on when I needed to face the world but instead found a way to shield myself from it, in them.

At best this may be self-aggrandizing or at worst a self-indictment but by sharing I hope others can turn a critical eye to habits in their life and how those habits affect them both daily and over time. (If a certain Linkin Park song comes to mind while reading, yeah that’s intentional).

RRR

I like to watch movies. I’ll watch movies from just about anywhere. Some years ago while in college I watched a few movies from India, like Bollywood films. A trend of music and dance numbers permeated every one. Even the serious action flicks. I’m aware this is a cultural staple now, but I didn’t then. Well I’ll admit it, I’m not a fan of musical numbers in general so I’ve avoided Indian films. Not to imply the films are inherently bad, just not my cup of tea. On the recomendation of The Critical Drinker I gave a Tollywood film a try, RRR.

Going into the film I knew there would be song and dance pieces but felt if I really didn’t like them I could just skip them. However roughly a third of the way into the film one appeared from the tall grass. Immediately it stood out providing both character development and servicing the themes already loosely established; by the end it served as a powerful representation of the film itself.

Why I liked this dance scene and not others made me think of a video by Super Eyepatch Wolf who described how in a fight there are two narratives: a technical one and an emotional one. The technical narrative follows the movements and actions of each party. The emotional narrative is each parties motivations, goals, challenges, etc. A good fight scene may have either but a great fight scene will have both. All of this to say that this dance scene in RRR satisfied the same rules, which I agree with, on what makes a good fight scene. Here we have a visually pleasing well executed dance with music but everything about it, including the music, carries the themes of the film with it. Meshing character growth, music, foreshadowing as well as providing a satisfying resolution to the current predicament. It’s well crafted and implemented.

So even if you don’t like Indian movies or dislike musicals I’d still give RRR a chance, it’s an epic story and those bits are just small pieces of it. In the end this movie bespite being over three hours is a fun watch.